I won't let you go
by Whoufflehugs
Summary: The Doctor and Clara end up in a fight after hiding their emotions for too long, and they're both too impossible to admit it.
1. Chapter 1

Clara Oswald always knew her life would be complicated.

It all started when her mother died. Ellie Oswald was the only one she could ever turn to, so when she died, Clara felt that a little part of her had died as well.

Then she met the Doctor, and all of her sadness was placed in a little box and pushed underneath her bed. He showed her the stars, and she showed him that he didn't have to be alone.

She never told the Doctor how much she cared for him, and if he felt the same, neither did he. Each assumed that the other knew, and neither of them understood how the other felt.

Maybe Clara, for once in her life, hadn't said enough. Maybe this one time, she kept her big mouth shut when it came to talking about her feelings- and maybe that's where she went wrong.

"Clara Oswald, don't you ever do that again," the Doctor had gasped, stumbling into the Tardis after another near death experience- a regular occurrence these days.

"What, am I supposed to sit in this little blue box and wait as you throw yourself into the hands of some mysterious, murderous aliens?" She'd told him, clutching the console as she caught her breath.

"Yes, actually. I'd rather leave you in the Tardis than risk losing you to these creatures. I didn't know how powerful they were, I've never even heard of them before, let alone how dangerous they could be. You had no right following me into that village!"

"No right?" She had nearly shouted, her voice raising as she stepped closer to him. "Doctor, when have you ever been scared of losing me? I'm your companion, am I not? I've seen every version of you, I gave up my life for you on Trenzalore. A little adventure isn't too much for me to handle."

"That's completely different," the Doctor had protested. "What if you died? I'd be the only one to blame. One stupid mistake and you'd be dead and it would be all my fault."

"Yeah, and tomorrow morning I could slip down the stairs, hit my head, and die. I could die any time, I'm only a human! But that's never been a problem before. Are you going to stop me from traveling with you just because I might get a... a paper cut or something in the Tardis?"

"I might. You deserve a normal life, Clara. I can't keep putting you through this much danger."

Clara remembered looking into his eyes with disbelief, and maybe event pinch of disappointment. "I can't believe you. You would get rid of me just because suddenly you're too scared to take me anywhere? What am I to you? A child?"

He hadn't replied, instead landing the Tardis in front of Clara's flat. He wouldn't look up from the console, wouldn't answer a single thing she asked. So she had left.

Which led her to lock herself in her room, curled in a pile of crumpled sheets, lost in her thoughts for hours. Clara was no coward, the Doctor knew knew that. Why did he have to be so impossible?


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor paced around the Tardis, thoughts still revolving around Clara. Clara. _Clara_. The past few hours had consisted of mostly confusion, anger, and possibly hurling objects around the console room in frustration.

Why did Clara Oswald have to be so impossible? To tell the truth, the Doctor had no idea what changed. On that planet, Clara had nearly been captured and killed because of a silly misunderstanding. Ever since then, he knew he couldn't let her die. And if that meant sending her away, then so be it.

But why had she reacted to emotionally, and why had he kicked her out? The Doctor never sent his companions away, not unless he absolutely needed to. But this? There was no logic as to why had made her leave; this was fear. Anxiety. The thought that she could die and it would be all his fault. Surely, that had to mean something. But somehow, he felt that no matter what he did, she would only push him away

Clara woke up the next morning, and she had never felt so awful. That is, until she heard a faint whirring noise outside her door, followed by a tentative rapping on the door.

"Since when do you knock?" Clara joked dryly, the door opening and the Doctor stepping in awkwardly. "I didn't know if I'd ever see you again."

"Clara..." The Doctor sighed, taking in the sight of his companion. Her façade was weak and he could see that beyond the humour and lightheaded conversation, she really was breaking down. He could see her red, swollen eyes and the faint stain of tears on her pale cheeks. "I'm not going to lie to you. I meant what I said, back in the Tardis. But I never gave you a chance to hear me out."

Clara sighed and sat up on the side of the bed, patting on the sheets so he'd join her. The Doctor sat down, far enough to give her breathing room, but close enough to feel her uneven breaths. She was nervous, he realised.

"I'm sorry I sent you away. I shouldn't have done that- I don't know why I did. I was scared, I suppose," he started, fidgeting on the bed, eyes meeting the ground.

"I know you were scared, Doctor," Clara said slowly after a few moments of silence. "I want to know _why._"

The Doctor took a deep breath, bringing his head up to face her once more. "I was scared because I don't want to lose you. Of course, I never want to lose anyone. I've lost too many people. But it's different with you. It's like...your death is completely out of the question. I can't let it happen because I care for you too much; I swore to myself I wouldn't get attached, but then you came around and made that impossible. If you died, I honestly don't know how I'd live with myself."

Clara's heart pounded in her chest, and before she could stop them, the words started to tumble out of her mouth. "I followed you yesterday because I didn't want you to be alone. I honestly didn't care if I risked my life because to me, your life was more important. Doctor," she paused, gently cupping his troubled, particular face in her hand. "Don't send me away. I won't let you go."

He knew it wasn't a question; in that moment, he knew that no matter how hard he tried, he could never leave her.

Before he could stop himself, the Doctor found himself cradling Clara's face in his own hands and guiding her lips to his. It was chaste and sweet, and completely unexpected. At first he feared Clara would reject him, that maybe he had misunderstood her feelings. That did seem to happen on a regular basis. Though in no time, Clara met him with an unspoken passion, deepening the kiss as her lips slid against his, clutching his jacket to steady herself. It was almost too much; the sheer emotion of the kiss made Clara's head spin, and soon she broke it to gasp for breath.

The Doctor still held her close to him, staring into her eyes and completely losing himself. He wondered how he'd never seen it before. "Clara, you asked me earlier what you are to me, and I never told you," he recalled, tucking a lose strand of hair behind her ear. "You're my soufflé girl, you're my impossible girl. I can't explain wait you are to me, because there's not a word powerful enough to describe it. But you're so much more than I deserve," he told her, wrapping his arms around her waist; she was his sanctuary. "You may be impossible, but I'll never let you go."


End file.
